I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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