You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
