Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
