He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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