That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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