haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
