I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
