well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
