I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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