Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
