i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
