Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
