I can text with my tongue
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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