Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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