do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
