I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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