i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
