By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
