I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
