I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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