Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
