she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
then he tried to convert me to islam
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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