She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
