he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
