ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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