i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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