so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
