Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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