Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
