I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
