I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
