Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
