Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
