Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
