I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
