I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
