i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
