i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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