Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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