yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
