so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
