Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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