I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
