I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
