Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
