Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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