in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
