isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
