My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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