my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
