Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
