I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
