Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
