When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
