I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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